Love in the Vale
by Kiro Angel
Summary: Top Aurors Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, and Ron Weasley are put on loan to the American Auror corps to investigate a town plagued by mysterious happenings, Night Vale.


This has not been edited, so sorry about any mistakes. They are mine and my co-author's, who has requested not to have her account linked. We have written a lot for this and are currently writing the sequel, so feel free to eat it up! Enjoy. ~Kiro

Chapter 1

Wheat and Wheat Byproducts

Ron impatiently paged through the radio stations, almost all of which had nothing but static. "Oh, come on, there has to be something on here! We have nothing but desert to look at, there shouldn't be nothing on the radio, too!"

Draco rolled his eyes, "Shut up Weasley." He was reading through the information that they were given of the little town they were going to. "I enjoy the quiet and your useless voice is ruining it."

Ron growled, but Harry reached over from the driver's seat and put a hand on his arm, "Go back, I think I heard you hit a station back there." Ron turned the dial back a few stations, and the static cleared to a male voice speaking over the radio.

"Today's air quality is mauve and speckled."

Draco blinked, "The hell?" He looked up and over to the radio. "I think you broke it Weasley."

"Draco," Harry cut in, "he didn't break the radio."

"Yeah, maybe you broke it with your ugly face, Malfoy," Ron huffed, turning up the volume.

"Welcome to Night Vale."

"Such a witty retort Weasley though I guess you can only devote so much of your limited brain power to snark or you would just keel over from not breathing for too long."

"Do you want me to hex that pointy face of yours, ferret?" Ron twisted in his seat reaching for his wand. Harry put a hand between them, trying to keep the car between the lines while avoiding a full feud.

"Draco, Ron, please! I thought we agreed no fighting before the Auror corps shipped us over here."

"Representatives from the greater medical insurance community announced this week that major insurance providers would no longer cover government-disseminated illnesses. These ailments were created to control undesirable populations and include: AIDS, most cancers, irritable bowel syndrome, telekinesis, tingling, and any kind of food allergy."

"He couldn't hex his way out of a paper bag anyways," Draco huffed and leaned back. "But we should listen to this. This must be the local news."

"What the hell kind of news is this?" Ron banged the dash. "Tingling to control an undesirable population?"

"Did you not read over the report. This town is weird."

"Doctors advise that the best way to avoid acquiring any of these conditions is to limit questionable public activities. Try not to be in a lower economic class, and give regularly to an approved religious organization. Take these precautions and you should live a healthy, or at least medically-insured, life."

"I read the file!" Ron protested.

"I was there, Ron. You skimmed it, then threw it on your desk, saying you'd read it on the trip over." Harry said, concentrating on the road again.

"Would you like to read it Weasley? Though it might be hard for you seeing that it's a lot more sophisticated than your average children's picture book."

"In other health news, the Night Vale Council for Commerce reminds you to regularly consume wheat and wheat by-products. By doing so, you are directly supporting the local Night Vale farmer, as well as the local Night Vale commodities conglomerates."

Ron snarled and snatched the file out of Draco's hand.

"Wheat farmers in Night Vale? I don't see how you could grow anything out here," Harry said, looking one more time at the rocky, sandy landscape.

Draco leaned back, "Like I said this town is weird like really weird."

"Looking for a snack? Try wheat, or a wheat by-product. Dinner? Wheat and/or its by-product. Trying to patch a leaky roof? We have just the thing for you, and we also have its by-products."

"What the bloody hell is a glow cloud?" Ron asked from the passenger seat, brow furrowed. "And why would they build a dog park that no one can think about?"

"Wheat and wheat by-products. By Americans, for Americans, in Americans, watching Americans."

"'ell if I know this place is completely backwards."

"It's surreal, is what it is," Harry said as they passed sand pits where many people crouched, all of which seemed to be wearing sweater vests with knit ties and newsboy caps, as well as sporting waxed moustaches. Ron nodded, still reading the report.

"New information on the Apache Tracker, who you might remember as that white guy who wears the cartoonishly inaccurate and offensive Indian headdress, and who disappeared some weeks ago after investigating the strange occurrences at the Night Vale Post Office."

"They have a post office in a magical dead zone in the middle of a desert wasteland?"

"Well how else are they supposed to communicate, Ron? It's not like they have owls." They passed the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex.

"This place is insane," Draco muttered a little.

"Well, word is in that he has reappeared, except it now seems he is actually Native American. Witnesses say his features are still recognizable, but during the disappearance he has transformed into that which he always absurdly claimed to be."

"What, is this dude some sort of metamorphmagus?" Ron mumbled into his papers.

"Probably got struck by lightning like the kid with two heads."

"More explanation, of course, is needed — but the Apache Tracker is also now only able to speak Russian, and I did not bother to get his statement translated."

Harry shook his head. "Normal lightning does not give someone two heads or make them speak only Russian."

"Maybe it was from the glow cloud."

"Apparently, he has been taking to leaning on the hood of an old Honda Accord in the parking lot of the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, shaking his head slowly and checking his watch."

Draco blinked and looked back at the parking lot, "Um I think we just passed the guy the radio was talking about."

"Was he wearing an absurd Indian headdress?" Harry asked.

"Does his complete racial transformation make his previous actions less offensive, listeners? Write us a letter telling us what you think, and then put it away in a drawer for ten years. Reading it again, you'll get a little pang of nostalgia for the person you used to be, once upon a time."

Draco nodded to Harry. Harry looked at him in the rear view mirror, then back to the road, where they were now getting to the heart of town. "Okay, where are we going first? The dog park?"

Ron shook his head. "Don't wanna be arrested by the sheriff's secret police."

"I was thinking we could go and talk to the scientist. They could help. I think they're still studying the house that doesn't exist but seems like it does." Harry nodded and took the turn off to go to that neighborhood.

"Sounds like a good plan."

"What?! You're taking his idea?" Ron complained.

"The City Council today issued a strong warning against the manufacture and sale of discount bloodstones. They say that these bloodstones of inferior design and construction have the potential to cause major accidents in even common day-to-day chanting rituals. These accidents have included, in just the past few months: locust swarms, pus tornadoes, and the creation and subsequent obliteration of a mirror version of Night Vale, forcing all of us to watch our identical counterparts perish — and thus confront the inevitability of our own futures."

"Get over it Weasley."

"Seriously, guys, we're here for Auror business." Harry motioned to the radio, "Besides, did that sound like Dark rituals to anyone else in this car?"

"Anyone caught selling these bloodstones will be put into the Dark Box, pending erasure from recorded history. The lesser charge of buying or possessing them will be met with mere summary execution."

"Ah yeah...and also that seems really harsh."

"Yeah, it does. Which means we need to stay especially discreet and not be seized by the secret police or the vaguely menacing government agency."

"Critics charge that the City Council is lying about all of this, due to the fact that the Council owns the only certified bloodstone factory in town. But, the Council has vehemently denied this charge by gibbering, howling, and knocking over microphones."

"Or World Government."

"Or whatever the city council is," Ron tapped the dash. "They don't sound human."

Then there was a series of beeps over the radio.

"The bloody hell?"

Harry's brow furrowed. "Some sort of code?" Ron tried a translation spell, but nothing happened.

Cecil's voice then came in over in static, "Oh, dear. I apologize, listeners. We at Night Vale Community Radio are experiencing the following technical problems: the need for air, eye movement, and gooey stuff inside. Please, stand by."

Draco looked utterly confused now. Harry's brow furrowed. "It sounds like something's trying to strangle him. Should we go over there?"

One more beep.

"Yeah he might also know what's going on here."

"Thank you. These problems have been corrected."

"Wait, what?" Ron asked, looking at the radio as if it had suddenly sprouted sentient mushrooms.

"I- wait, it sounds like he's alright," Harry pulled over, "should we go over there now or keep going to see the scientist, since he seems fine now."

"An update on our previous message about wheat and wheat by-products. You should not eat wheat or wheat by-products, say several frantic scientists, waving clipboards in our studio."

Draco blinked and looked at the radio baffled, "I don't know."

"Well, it sounds like the scientists are over there, anyway." Harry turned around, now heading toward the radio station.

Draco sighed and ran a hand through his hair leaning back.

"As it turns out all wheat and wheat by-products, for unknown reasons, have turned into venomous snakes, which are crawling all over our small city, causing even more chaos than is normal. These snakes have been described as terrifying, loathsome, and "probably from the bowels of hell itself!" — also, green and three feet long."

They passed the Moonlight All-Night diner on the left, then turned into the community radio station. Harry parked the car and looked to the other two. "That sounds like a broad-range spell. Neither of you have a problem with snakes, do you?"

Ron shook his head, "Not since you're here, Harry."

"If you have any wheat or wheat by-products in your home, you are almost certainly already dead."

Draco smirked, "Nope."

"Good," Harry popped open his door and stepped out, looking at the broad stone slabs that seemed to be the entrance to the radio station. The radio was luckily being broadcast in loudspeakers outside.

"Sorry about that."

Draco got out of the car and followed Harry. Ron rounded the car and flanked Harry, wand out and pointed at the ground. As they approached the door slabs, a three-foot-long green streak rushed out of a nearby trashcan.

"Property taxes are going up again, Night Vale. Several citizens are justifiably upset over this latest increase, but municipal services do, after all, cost money. Schools, public transportation, parks and recreation facilities, and of course, the multi-billion dollar pulsar development facility." the radio droned on from the car radio.

Draco looked over to the snake and took a step back and looked to Harry. Harry stepped forward and hissed at the fast-moving snake.

{Slow, friend. We mean you no harm.}

"Speaking of which, scientists say that they are on the verge of developing the first ever human-made neutron star. Usually the aftermath of a supernova, this pulsar would be roughly four miles in diameter, but with a nearly incomprehensible density that makes it about half the mass of our own sun."

The snake hissed back, {So?}

{So, you should not attack us. We will give you free food.}

"And to think, this rapidly rotating sphere of radioactive matter will be right here under the sands of Night Vale, producing enough energy to power the earth for billions of years."

{Okay sounds fair.} Harry stretched out an arm toward it, allowing it to slither up his arm. The snake took his lead and slinked around Harry's arm.

"The City of Night Vale plans to use the pulsar to light the high school football stadium, which still uses whale oil lamps."

Ron stepped up to the doors and placed a hand on them, trying to figure out how to get in. The slab slid open, and Harry walked up to the opening.

"John Peters — you know, the farmer — is particularly upset…not only about the pulsar development, but also about the higher taxes. As owner of more than 150 acres, John will certainly have to pay a large share."

Draco looked around following after the two. The intern at the front desk looked up, then went bug-eyed. "You brought a wheat or wheat byproduct in here? No, no you have to get out!" Harry put a protective hand on the snake around his arm.

"What? No, no, this is my pet snake from home." The intern calmed down, nodding and sitting back down, slowly relaxing.

"And given that John is a peach farmer in a desert, he hasn't actually raised a successful crop ever. His only income is his half a million dollar annual subsidy for imaginary corn, which has been one of Night Vale's greatest exports. People come from all over — even Desert Bluffs, unfortunately — to buy his imaginary corn. I like to butter up a piece of bread and then rub the imaginary corn along it, and then sprinkle it with a little bit of salt and cayenne. Boy, is that a delicious and low-carcinogen summer treat!"

Draco peared over the interns shoulder seeing bathrooms and a cornered wall with a few doors that had to lead to the recording booth and radio archives, as well as one labelled "Intern Break Room". Then a final one which was actually just a stone slab with glowing lights behind it.

"But even our town heroes like John Peters — you know, the farmer — have to pay their fair share. No citizen is above paying taxes."

Ron gently pushed past the intern. "Can we just get through? Thanks." The intern blinked at him, but shrugged. Harry followed after Ron.

"We shouldn't interrupt the show that would just be rude let's find the scientists." Harry pointed through a window in one of the doors, which showed a crowd of men in glasses and lab coats, scribbling on clipboards. They were in a room that shared a glass wall with the recording booth.

"Well, except Marcus Vanston, but that's understandable because he's so wealthy. When you're worth as much as Marcus Vanston, you have proved your value to society through hard work and determination, and are no longer required to show anyone any further proof that you care about anything or anybody else, because you obviously do. Look at all your money!"

Draco shifted a little at the last comment and he nodded, "Okay let's talk to them. I don't see the head scientist with them." Ron smirked at him.

"What, don't want to sit here and listen to the radio anymore?" Harry glowered at him and opened the door, walking in on a wall of noise as the scientists tossed around theories.

"According to some, Marcus is worth over five billion dollars, and that's five billion reasons Marcus is our town's greatest citizen."

"Shut up Weasley."

"Further updates on wheat and wheat by-products."

The door closed behind them, and all of the scientists were suddenly jumping up and waving clipboards at the glass wall, shouting even though the radio host couldn't hear them.

"The good news is that they are no longer poisonous serpents. The bad news is that they have transformed into a particularly evil and destructive form of spirit."

The snake hissed a little from Harry's arm. Harry looked down at it. {Like the idea of free food better?} It nodded. One of the scientists pulled out a marker and began drawing a hasty chart, quickly followed by others.

"Please, be aware that wheat and wheat by-products are now malevolent and violent supernatural forces, capable of physically moving objects up to 200 pounds and entering human souls of up to Soul Strength Four"

Draco was glad that Harry's snake had not decided to do this. Harry absently petted the snake's head, and Ron watched the frantic scientists with a confused expression. They turned their charts toward the booth and began indicating them frantically, jumping and shouting.

"The frantic scientists, who are now hopping up and down just outside my recording booth, indicating various charts and figures, recommend creating a simple lean-to out of animal bones and mud, such as you might have made and played in as a child, and hiding there until the spiritual forces of wheat and wheat by-products have passed."

Draco looked to Harry and mouthed, 'More Dark Magic?' He nodded as the scientists began to calm down. Draco then looked to Cecil and blinked, "He has a third eye."

"Yeah, it's purple and it keeps looking at us. Didn't you notice earlier, Malfoy?" Ron jerked a thumb at the white-blonde in the booth. "He looks like a cousin of yours, same hair and everything."

"A reminder to all Night Vale citizens that the annual Sorrow Songs Sing-Along is this Thursday. There will be a potluck lunch, and the softball team will be selling refreshments to fund things that each of them individually want to buy for themselves."

"Shove off Weasley." Harry tapped one of the scientists on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, could we ask you a few questions?"

"Anyone who has their own Sorrow Song they'd like to add to our communal vocal malaise should submit it to City Hall by Tuesday, at the latest.."

"Yes," He said looking to Harry.

"Well to start with we were wondering why you suggested that particular type of shelter from the wheat and wheat byproducts."

"Because it works."

"Remember that low moans and minor-key chants do not count."

"Er, right. Well, have you noticed anything odd in Night Vale recently?" He scratched the back of his neck. Ron inspected some of the scientists' charts.

"The composer of the best Sorrow Song, as indicated by our audience participatory Weep-O-Meter, will be ritualistically drowned in a pool of our own townspeople's tears. Good luck!"

"No not really," The scientist said.

"Really? Nothing. Nothing at all, not even wheat and wheat byproducts coming to life and eating people before turning into evil spirits, not even that is odd to you?" Harry raised his eyebrows, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Listeners, the City Council, for national security reasons, have replaced the following report with the sound of a burbling brook, followed by the sound of a running blender."

"No."

"Er, right." Harry sighed. "Well, I guess that's it for right now. Except- do you know where that new scientist is, Carlos I think is his name?"

"He's back at the house that doesn't exist."

"Friends, listeners, there's a…

[Sound of a burbling brook]

[Sound of a running blender]

…what it does."

Harry growled in frustration. "Really? Bloody hell. Well, do you know when this radio show is over?"

"It's been about halfway through."

"City Comptroller Waynetta Barnett received a $1.5 billion check from the federal government this week. The check was to support rebuilding efforts from this past week's massive earthquake, reaching 9.7 on the Richter scale, the epicenter of which was directly below Night Vale."

Ron looked up. "How in hell is the town still standing?"

"Thank you for your time," Harry nodded at the scientist.

"Of course, we experienced absolutely no damage to the town, and nobody reported feeling any effects at all from this enormous seismological event."

"I think that's why." Harry moved over to the other two again as Ron sent Draco a glare.

"Okay, so we can either head back over to the house that doesn't exist and catch the new scientist, or stay here and wait for this guy to get off the air and talk to him, which should take about ten minutes." Harry scratched the back of his head, looking between the two.

"Comptroller Barnett says that she suspects that FEMA just saw the meter reading, declared this a disaster area, and sent a check. She doesn't think they have any interest in visiting Night Vale, so we can probably just spend the money however we want."

"What do you want to do?" Harry shrugged and Ron waved at the two of them.

"You two fight it out, I've gotta use the loo." He disappeared out the door. Draco chuckled.

"Barnett added that those new Mini Cooper sedans are really cute, and wanted us all to look at their website."

"Now that he's gone," Draco lightly pulled Harry into a kiss. Harry blushed and pulled back.

"Stop, we're on business! Besides, what if Ron comes back and sees?"

"Come on Harry I've been waiting all day."

"But-" Harry sighed and moved back from the door. "Fine, but just one." Draco kissed him softly. A few moments later, they were interrupted by a girlish scream from down the hall. Harry sprung away.

Ron ran down and popped into the room, breathing hard. "There was a cat, just floating there meowing, but when I tried to pet it, it just- spine ridges! And it tried to bite me!"

"We asked Carlos about our inability to experience tectonic shifts. Carlos, lovely Carlos, had previously recorded other massive tremor activity underneath our city.

His response was a few seconds of stammering followed by a sigh and slow head shake. His eyes were distant — distracted, yet beautiful.

I asked him where he got his shirt. It fit him so well. He said he would look at his notes and computer models and see if he could figure out what was going on.

I don't know if he listens to me sometimes."

Draco sighed being interrupted and he looked to the Weasley.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I take you from an unreal disaster to an un-unreal one."

Harry turned to Ron, concerned. "Did it get you?"

"No, no, but it made this horrible growling, screeching noise." Draco realized that he might have been a bit too close to Harry and lightly stepped away. "Thing was, it had a food dish and litter box and everything. Well, the food dish was empty, but it looked well-cared for."

"Then it was probably just hungry but I guess you wouldn't know how to care for a pet Weasley."

"It is my sad duty now to announce that the City Council is officially putting Night Vale under an emergency state, due to the ongoing and life-threatening wheat and wheat by-products situation. The Council states that anyone who has come into contact with wheat and wheat by-products, and has by some happy miracle survived, should consider themselves infected and proceed to the usual quarantine area, just behind the playground in Mission Grove Park — there to spend the rest of their days in quiet contemplation and weaving."

Harry looked down at the snake around his arm and shrugged.

"You did not hear the sound it made, Malfoy. That was not the sound of a hungry housecat, that was the sound of a spined animal out for blood."

"Everyone else should head immediately to the Wheat and Wheat By-Products Shelter that has been sitting unused for decades under the public library."

"Well if it's magical it could do anything to signify it was hungry."

The scientists headed for the door, heading out to their vehicles to head for the shelter.

"Whatever, Malfoy, if you like being torn to bits by floating cats so much why don't you go and feed it?" Ron jutted out his chin.

"When asked why a Wheat and Wheat By-Products Shelter already existed, the City Council answered, simply, "Prophecy."

May you all be safe. May you all be well. May you be strong and flexible with ruddy cheeks and legs like tree trunks."

"Maybe you should have let it take a bite out of you." Ron snarled and reached for his wand, only to be stopped when Harry put a hand on his arm, giving Draco a warning look.

"Stop it, you two."

"And now, the weather." They then saw Cecil take off his headset and walk for the door. Harry looked over at him and moved for the door.

"Shall we talk with him?" Ron followed. They nodded. Cecil past them moving for the bathroom. Harry called after him, "Excuse me, sir?"

Cecil looked back at them, "Please I need to feed my cat then get back to the show."

"That's- that's your cat?" Ron asked, looking aghast.

"Khoshekh yes."

"Well, why don't you go feed, um, Khoshekh. We'll talk to you after your show." Harry pushed his hair back with a snake-wrapped arm.

"Right…" He nodded a little and went into the bathroom.

"I swear that eye was winking at me," Ron shivered.

"How can a third eye wink?"

"It can wink," he said defensively. "And what is with you today, Harry? Being all nice to Malfoy of all people?" Harry shifted. Draco took a slight breath but remained emotionless.

"Come on, Ron, we're Auror partners. We have to be nice to each other in order to work together," he pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Not like that, you don't!" Ron waved a hand. "What are you being all protective of him for? You're supposed to be on my side!" Draco rolled his eyes.

"I'm not either of your sides! I just want to get out of this trip without anyone strangling the other," Harry sighed. Draco ran a hand through his hair. Ron huffed and glared.

"Whatever, Harry. Just don't expect me to start liking him, too." Draco glared over at Ron.

Harry sighed. "I know that would be too much to expect of you, Ron. Either of you, probably." Draco sighed a little and nodded.

"I'll stop fighting if he will."

Ron glared at him, "I wouldn't count on it."

"Ron." Harry gave him a stern look, and Ron held it for a moment before sighing.

"Fine. But if he takes one step out of line, I will hex him so he can't walk for a week."

"News from Old Woman Josie, out near the Car Lot. She reports that the Angels have gathered in a circle in her living room, blocking her view of the television. They are shoulder-to-shoulder, facing each other, radiant with holy light."

"Just shove off Weasley." Harry sighed and shook his head, moving back to the room where they could watch the recording booth through the window.

""The Bowling Alley," they are chanting. "The Bowling Alley."

She says that a repeat of The West Wing she had really hoped to watch is on, and she is quite annoyed by her usually considerate Angelic house guests."

Draco followed Harry back to the window and he sighed leaning against the wall. Harry watched Cecil speak into the mic.

"How did he get past us, anyways?"

"That is the thing you decide to question about him, Harry?" Ron gave him a skeptical look. "Not the winking third eye or the fact that he has a floating monster cat named Khoshekh?" Draco chuckled and leaned back a little.

"More on this story, maybe…if there ever is more.

And finally, some good news. All wheat and wheat by-products have mysteriously vanished from Night Vale, and the City Council promises that they will be gone forever. This scourge, this siege upon us, this salvo of food-based warfare is finally over. Nevermore will be we threatened in our homes by this enemy or its by-products."

Harry looked down at the snake still wrapped around his arm. "I think Wheat is a bit different from his relatives."

{Food is always a good reason to stay.}

"We also will never eat bread again, and that's a pretty big bummer."

"What?! No bread in this entire town?" Ron looked horrified. "That has to be illegal or something. I mean, you can't have an entire town without any bread."

"But this is the balance that must be made between what we desire and what we fear, between pain and pleasure, between wheat, dear listeners, and its by-products."

Harry patted Ron's shoulder. "I'm sure it'll be okay, Ron."

"No! No, it's not okay! They're banning wheat!" The redhead looked ready to break down.

"Many of you are huddled now and forever in the quarantine behind the playground in Mission Grove Park. For this community-minded sacrifice, we thank you."

"Don't worry, Ron, I'm sure they have plenty of other things to replace it with." Harry rubbed his back.

"But it's wheat! You can't just replace wheat!"

"I know you were forced there by martial law, but still, you should be commended for your brave action. Terminal quarantine might seem scary now, but I understand they have a well-stocked supply of canned lentils and the Silver Screen Edition of Trivial Pursuit."

Harry sighed. "I'm sorry, Ron."

"He can always also realize we're not stuck here forever."

"And of course, you have the radio. I hope you will let my dulcet voice and our humble community station into your ears and hearts until your final wheat-loving breath."

"Yes, but we're stuck here for the duration of the case, and by the looks of this town we'll be here forever!" Ron whinged. "I'll definitely have to eat between now and the time we leave."

"Dear listeners, stay tuned next for a live broadcast of a man, locked in a recording booth, silently staring at the microphone with intense suspicion."

Ron sulked, and Harry looked up at the window. "He's not seriously going to just stay in there and stare at the mic, is he?"

"And as always, since always, and for always, goodnight, Night Vale.

Goodnight."

"That's the end of the show. We need to talk to him." Harry moved for the door. Cecil got up and he walked over to the door and he blinked looking down at them. Harry opened the door and motioned him out.

"Yes?"

"We wanted to speak with you about some of the recent events in Night Vale, since you seem to keep up to date on what happens around here," Harry explained, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Okay what do you want to know."

"Well, there's a lot, really." Harry looked to Draco. Draco took a breath thumbing through the file on where to start.

"Well a lot doesn't help me."

Harry thought for a moment for a starting point. "There are figures that have been appearing throughout town, supposedly befriending a woman named Josie. She's been calling them angels. How long have they been appearing, and what else can you tell us about them?"

"Angels aren't real."

"Well, no, we're not saying that they're angels, but these beings are there."

"And what about them?"

"How long have they been appearing around town? Also, we could use any descriptions you could give us," Ron provided.

"All I know about angels have been recorded on my show I can give you access to the tapes if you want."

"Ugh, right, like we've got time to go pouring over those," Ron grumbled.

"That would be great, thanks," Harry elbowed Ron in the side.

"Though some of them have been destroyed," Cecil said walking over to the record room door. They followed, Ron sighing resignedly. Draco looked to Cecil.

"Can you tell us where we can get a place to stay and something to eat?" Harry nodded, and Ron's stomach rumbled.

"Especially the something to eat bit?"

"Well all the restaurants have closed down for the night because of the Wheat and Wheat byproduct crysis." Ron scowled.

"You're kidding me. No restaurants? What are we going to do for food?" Cecil shrugged a little.

"What about a grocer's?" Harry asked. "Are they all closed, too?"

"There's a whole foods."

"And that wasn't closed because of the wheat and wheat byproduct crisis?"

"No."

Harry blinked and adjusted his glasses. "I guess we're going there, then. What about a hotel?"

"There is a motel 8 in town."

Harry sighed and nodded. "Alright. Well, then, we should get going. Thank you for your time, er, Cecil was it?"

"Yes and can I give you three some advice if you're going to be staying in Night Vale for long?"

Harry nodded, "Yeah, definitely."

"If you see something say nothing and drink to forget."

"E-excuse me?" Harry's brow furrowed, and Ron gave him an odd look.

Cecil cleared his throat, "We all love Night Vale but that doesn't mean there aren't problems and it doesn't mean you won't be dealt with if you see something you shouldn't."

"So… don't say anything. Right." Ron nodded, grimacing. "We'll keep that in mind."

"It's for the best."

Harry nodded. "Yeah, of course we will… see nothing, say nothing, and drink often." He looked over at Draco, running a hand through his hair. Draco shrugged a little and turned to leave. Harry waved a bit at Cecil, "Thank you for the help, sir. Have a nice night."

* * *

Later at the Motel 8 when Draco had presumed Ron was asleep he had gotten out of his own bed and he used the key card Harry gave him to open up his new lover's door. Harry looked up from where he was rereading their files, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Draco, hi. Sorry, I was just going back over what we know." He tapped the file. Draco shook his head and he smiled walking over to Harry and hugged him from behind. The dark-haired wizard set down the file and leaned back, sighing. "This place is just so…" Draco lightly kissed Harry's neck down to his shoulder.

"Forget about it then," Draco said softly.

"You know that we're supposed to be working on this trip, right?" But contrary to his words, Harry tilted his head and leaned into the kisses.

Draco lightly licked at Harry's neck, "Yeah but we don't have to work all the time…" Harry shivered.

"Well, I suppose a bit of fun won't hurt anyone, will it?"

* * *

The next morning they found themselves cuddled up close together with Draco wrapped in Harry's arms. There was a loud knock on the door before it opened, a shaggy redhead stepping through.

"Harry, it's- oh, bloody hell!" Draco curled up tighter trying to stay asleep. Harry moaned and flipped over onto his back, a hand over his eyes. "Harry! There's a Malfoy in your bloody bed!" Draco rubbed his eyes wondering what was going on. "Bloody fucking hell, are neither of you wearing clothes!? Is that a- oh Merlin tell me that is not a condom wrapper." Ron covered his eyes, and Harry sat up, starting to realize what he was on about. Draco then jolted up luckily covering himself up.

"Ron… What are you doing in my room?"

"I think the more important question is why YOU are SLEEPING with MALFOY!" Draco blushed maddenly and he looked to Ron and then Harry. Ron's face had passed the same shade as his hair and was now on its way toward that of a certain brand of supernova. Harry, of course, was a slightly less violent shade of mauve.

"We are a couple, Ron. That is why I am sleeping with Draco."

"But he's MALFOY!"

"You don't get to chose who he sleeps with," Draco muttered.

"Why would you want to sleep with MALFOY? He probably has viruses or something!"

Harry sat up straight and growled at his friend, "Ron!" Draco gritted his teeth a little. Harry reached over to the nightstand for his glasses and stuffed them on his face. "Ron, get out of my room. I am dating Draco because I like him a lot and I really don't appreciate your insulting him or me." Draco looked to Harry he didn't expect that to happen.

"But, Harry-"

"No, Ron, go get some breakfast or something. We'll put some clothes on and talk." Draco sighed a little and he waited for Ron to leave. The redhead narrowed his eyes at them and stomped off, presumably to find food.

Harry sighed and flopped back. "That went well." Draco sighed and he moved to start slipping his clothes on. Harry slid out of bed and began rustling around in his bags. "I'm going to take a shower. Ron's going to need some time to cool off."

Draco nodded, "Okay." Harry slumped into the bathroom with his stuff, shutting the door with a click. Draco slipped back into his clothes and he walked out the door. He found himself with a wand pressed to his larynx and a Weasley gripping him by the shirt.

"What did you do to him? Was it amortentia?"

"I didn't do anything to him Weasley," Draco glared at him coolly.

"Well I know Harry, and he has better taste than ferrets like you. So what did you do?" Ron growled.

"Again I didn't do anything to him."

"Right, and you just woke up naked and in bed together without ever having done anything to him," he snarled. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't hex you to hell and back?"

"He asked me out."

"Harry? Asked you out?"

"Yes."

Ron narrowed his eyes and released Draco, keeping his wand at his throat. "I don't believe you. Harry wouldn't do something like that."

"I'm telling the truth."

"I wouldn't think you knew the meaning of the word, Malfoy," Ron snarled.

"Shut up Weasley and let me go."

"The only reason why you aren't moaning in pain right now is because Harry would kill me," he stared Draco down.

"Well then I would suggest you accept his choices." Ron took a deep, tense breath.

"Fine. But if you so much as breath on him wrong, I'll throw you in the dog park." Draco huffed a little. Ron poked him one more time with his wand, then sheathed it, turning away. Draco sighed going back to his room.

* * *

The two then soon joined Ron for breakfast. As soon as Harry sat down, Ron was on him, casting diagnostic spells for imperius, amortentia, and other curses. Harry gritted his teeth.

"Ron, stop, I'm fine." Draco shook his head a little and sighed.

"I didn't do anything to him."

"I'm just checking to make sure-" he finished and sighed. "Nothing. Dammit."

"Stop being an arse Weasley."

"Hey, I'm just trying to make sure my friend hasn't been brainwashed by you or something!" Ron spat.

"Why would I do something like that!?" Draco hissed at him. Harry gritted his teeth and put a hand on Ron's arm.

"Ron. Stop. Take a breath, eat a snickers or something." Ron glared at Draco and flopped down, shovelling food into his mouth instead of answering. Draco lightly bit into a muffin closing his eyes. Harry put a hand on his arm and squeezed, then took a bite of waffle.

"Where do we want to start?" Draco lightly leaned into Harry.

"I think we should finally talk to the head scientist."

Harry nodded. "He'll be back at the house that doesn't exist."

"Yeah…" Harry finished his waffle and reached for his coffee. Taking a sip, he spluttered.

"Ugh. It's… tangy. Like blood." Draco blinked and he looked to the coffee. There was a swirl of red in it, and Ron craned his head to look in.

"Ugh, this town is creepy. Who puts blood in coffee?" Draco swallowed a little.

"I'm starting to wonder if it's okay to eat anything here." Harry nodded, eyeing his waffles with suspicion.

"Oh, come on, it's just food!" Ron called, stuffing a sausage in his mouth.

"They put blood in the coffee."

"So don't drink the coffee."

"Yeah but think about what they could put in everything else." Ron shrugged and took a mouthful of hash browns.

"I'm not dead yet, so it can't be that bad." Harry sighed, shaking his head. Draco pushed his muffin to the side. Ron gave him a distasteful look, even as Harry picked up his plate, still only half-eaten.

"Right, well we should get going."

"Right yeah." Ron looked up, a hashbrown dangling from his mouth.

"Wait, what? Can't I finish first?" Draco sighed a little and shook his head. Ron made an attempt to shovel it all in his mouth at once and Harry sighed.

"Ron. Leave it, you're hardly starving." Ron frowned, but swallowed what he had in his mouth and followed them. Draco walked out to the car holding Harry's hand. Ron eyed the joined hands with disgust, but said nothing. He did, however, reach for the shotgun seat. Draco sighed and he separated from Harry seeing he would have to sit in the back. Ron smiled smugly and Harry sighed, shaking his head as he slid into the driver's seat. Draco glared at Ron from the back.

"Right, so to the house that doesn't exist?" Harry pulled away, squinting at a braille road sign.

"Yeah."

They pulled through the town, and soon came to a neighborhood with lines of neat houses. "Alright, so how do we know which one doesn't exist?" Draco blinked and he looked around. They continued driving a bit, until Ron pointed a finger at one of the houses.

"That's probably it." There was a small crowd of scientists standing around, talking and looking at one of the houses, occasionally gesturing toward it or one another. Draco nodded a little hoping that they could finish this quickly. Harry parked and stepped out, raising a hand to check where Wheat was curled around his neck. Wheat snuggled into him a little. Ron slid out and stretched, yawning.

"Bunch of sciency muggles, yeah? Should be simple enough to find the one with, what was it, perfect hair and teeth like a military cemetery?" Draco got out and pointed to the slightly tall scientist with a streak of gray in his hair.

"I think that's him."

Harry nodded. "Right, Carlos I think?"

"Yeah." Draco walked up. "Excuse me sir." The man glanced up, then adjusted his glasses.

"Yes?"

"We would like to ask you some stuff about Night Vale."

"What questions do you want to ask?"

"What exactly is the Dog Park?"

"Well, from the the required 500 foot distance it appears to be a construct of smooth black walls of some sort of stone, but no one has been able to go closer or actually enter the dog park, and-" he squinted at Draco, "why are you asking?" Draco looked to Harry for a cover story.

"We're researchers, actually. This town is very unique, and we're trying to figure out some of the things happening here."

Carlos looked over at him curiously. "You're scientists, then?"

"In a way," Draco said.

"You either are a scientist or you aren't, you can't be a scientist 'in a way', because that implies that you aren't a scientist in others."

"We're researchers."

"So you aren't scientists." he nodded.

"No."

"Are there any other questions?" Carlos asked, glancing down at his clipboard.

"Glow clouds?"

"There is one glow cloud, it rained dead animals on the town and is currently a member of the school board."

"What is it?"

"I don't know. I'm a scientist, not a meteorologist."

"Okay then what is the management over at the station?"

"That is something you should ask Cecil."

"Alright...The shape in the park?"

"If I researched every anomaly in Night Vale, I would have no time for science." Carlos said, beginning to become annoyed. Draco rubbed his temple a little.

"Well, what can you tell us about?" Harry inquired, flashing an apologetic smile.

"The seismic activity, which I have been recording, for one."

"Okay what about it?"

"Well, I've been recording unusual seismic activity all across the desert landscape, but it's stopped just at the borders of Night Vale."

"And no one felt it?"

"Well, there was one building outside of the town proper that was damaged, but other than that no one felt it and there was no damage."

"Odd." Carlos nodded absently and adjusted his glasses, glancing again at the clipboard he held in his hand, then at his watch. "Can you explain why no damage has been done to the town?"

"No, I don't have a scientific explanation yet." Draco sighed and he looked over at the other two. Harry thought for a moment, pushing his fingers through his hair.

"Right, well is there anything else?" Carlos thought for a moment.

"The sun sets ten minutes earlier than it should."

"That doesn't seem right."

"No, it's very disconcerting," Carlos said. Draco sighed shaking his head. Harry looked between the two, and Ron butted in.

"Right, then, if that's it, we can get going."

"We need to start going through those tapes."

Harry nodded, "Yeah, that's going to take a while, so we'd better start as soon as possible." Draco nodded a little and he moved to go back to the car. Harry moved after him, tentatively taking his hand. Draco took his hand and luckily was able to get to the car before Ron and take a shotgun seat so he could be with Harry. Ron gave him a rather nasty glare and sulked in the back seat. Harry grinned.

"Alright, off to the radio station?"

"Right," Draco nodded a little and smiled.

* * *

When Ron got up to go to the bathroom Draco smirked and moved closer to Harry. They had all been listening to the tapes with head phones on and taking notes. Draco lightly nudged Harry so he would move his hands, so Draco could lay down in his lap. Harry moved them and looked down at Draco.

"I can't take notes with you two being all… ugh," Ron scowled and leaned back in his chair, turning away from them. Draco laid down in Harry's lap and smiled resting his head on the other's chest before going back to taking his own notes. He glared for a few seconds at Ron's for his comment and then just rolled his eyes ignoring it. Harry chuckled silently at their exchange and began taking notes again.

When Draco had to change tapes he looked to Harry and lightly gave him a kiss before getting up. Harry followed him with his eyes and paused his tape. "Where are you going?"

"Need to change tapes," Draco said softly to him. Harry nodded.

"Alright." He pressed play on his device, absently twirling the pen in his grip. Draco got a new tape and put it in the player and grabbed a few to take back with him so he wouldn't have to get up for a while. He walked back and moved to slide back into Harry's chest. Harry wrapped an arm around him, smiling slightly as they resettled themselves. Draco smiled and took in Harry's scent and he closed his eyes.

* * *

Some hours later, Harry removed his earphones to the sound of loud snores, which were coming from Ron. At some point, it appeared that the redhead hand slumped face down on the table and started drooling on their notes. Draco sighed and took off his headphones, "Does he alway have to be this insufferable?" Harry laughed.

"Yeah, well he's Ron." He stood and stretched, popping his back. Draco stood up being careful not to fall over when he lost Harry's support. He looked to Harry and smiled a little. Harry smiled back at him, then walked over to Ron and shook his shoulder.

"Ron! Ron, wake up!" Ron snorted awake and looked up.

"Wait, wha?" Draco looked over at the two and yawned a little.

"We're leaving for food." Ron immediately was up, yawning and gathering notes.

"Well what are we waiting for?"

"There is an Arbys."

Harry cast a tempus. "I think they'd be closed by now. What about the Moonlight All-Night Diner? It's just next door."

"Alright but I don't know if I would trust the local food."

"What, and the Arby's wouldn't use the same food as a diner?" Ron griped, moving for the door. "Come on." Draco sighed following. Harry gathered his notes and moved after them, catching Draco's hand in his. Draco looked to him and smiled. Harry smiled a bit at him.

Ron used his wand to slice open his thumb and smear the blood on the doors, looking away. "That has to be Dark magic. It's disgusting." He stuck his thumb in his mouth, moving through the now open doors. Draco opened his mouth to make snide comment but he decided against it. Harry drew him outside after Ron and they started walking over to the brightly lit Moonlight All-Night Diner. Draco lightly moved resting his head on Harry's shoulder. Harry smiled and Ron groaned, moving further ahead of them.

"I love you," Draco whispered quietly. Harry nodded, biting his lip.

"And, and I love you." Draco let out a soft breath at that.

Ron pushed open the diner door. It jangled, attracting the attention of a smiling waitress.

"Hello how many?" She asked.

"Three," he declared, smiling. She grabbed menus and she seated them. Harry pulled Draco into the seat next to him, still holding his hand. Draco smiled and leaned into him softly. Ron cleared his throat.

"Should I ask for another table and give you guys this one for your date? This is supposed to be a business trip, not your honeymoon." Draco rolled his eyes and he lightly moved away from Harry. Ron huffed and leaned back, folding his arms behind his head.

"You could be a bit more accepting."

"Ron, please."

Ron huffed and leaned forward, his chair legs hitting the floor with a crack. He swept an arm to Draco. "What do you see in him, huh? He's Malfoy, nothing more than a dirty ferret! He fought against us, and he was an evil little bastard to us all through Hogwarts!" Draco looked away and down.

Harry leaned forward, "Draco didn't fight against us in the war, in fact, he saved our lives a few times, which was incredibly tough for him in that situation. In school we gave as good as we got, Ron! And if your grudge is going to get in the way of this case, maybe you should just go back to England." Draco shook his head and lightly put his hand on Harry's arm. Harry bristled, but took a deep breath, slowly calming.

Ron watched this exchange through narrowed, angry eyes.

Draco lightly whispered in Harry's ear, "Don't he's right." Harry looked over to him.

"No, he isn't!"

"Harry," Draco looked to him confused.

"It was a school rivalry, but you were never evil. And even in the war, you were trying to stand by your family, and you didn't fight for the Death Eaters." Draco nodded a little.

Ron threw up his arms, "Oh, come on, the ferret even admitted that I was right!" Draco shook his head and leaned into Harry.

"Ron, please. Let it go." The redhead huffed. Draco just leaned into Harry more.

"You know, Harry, I could handle it when you dumped my sister, I could handle it when you told us you were gay, but you chose Malfoy over Charlie! Charlie is a thousand times better than this-"

The table began to tremble. "Ron… My love life is not yours to run," Harry growled. Draco looked over to Harry quickly. Ron raised his hands.

"Woah, woah. Fine, okay, that was over the line, I'm sorry." As Harry's teeth unclenched and he took a deep breath, the table slowly stopped shaking.

"Harry," Draco whispered. Harry shut his eyes tight.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Draco then lightly hugged him. Harry sighed and wrapped an arm around him, relaxing into the blonde. Draco took a breath and tried to comfort the dark haired boy with glasses. Ron looked down and rubbed at a spot on the table. Draco then looked to the menu and his face scrunched up. Harry pulled back and let out a long breath, glancing at the menu.

"You don't think they would have something normal?"

"Sure they have something normal." Harry searched the menu, "Like, um, the bonfire burger!" Draco looked over.

"Charred to a crisp."

"Well, what about the… fish n' chips? You can't totally mess up fish n' chips." Draco looked over the menu.

"I don't see any well not ones that are fish."

"I think they have fish fingers- no, nevermind, that's phish fingers…"

"Are we going to have to go out of town if we want good food?"

Ron shrugged. "I don't see what your problem is. Just eat the phish fingers."

"We don't even know what it is what if we end up eating I don't know human or some animal that isn't safe to eat or something that isn't an animal or plant at all."

Harry raised a hand to Wheat. "We could just ask the waitress for her recommendation, or what's in the phish sticks."

"I don't think a recommendation is a good idea and we could ask but I don't know if we really want to know." Harry sighed.

"Well it's late at night, nothing else is open, and I would rather not drive us all the way outside of town for food." Draco sighed a little and leaned back. Harry sighed. "Look, if it's that bad, maybe we could have some of the leftovers from last night's dinner." Ron looked guilty.

"Sorry, man, but I ate those before you guys got up this morning."

"We can just make something again." Draco said looking to a flier that was set out on the table and he picked it up frowning.

Harry looked at it over his shoulder. "What is it?"

He handed Harry the flair.

Don't forget your scheduled re-education

Failure to comply might result in:

Execution

Death

Burning Alive

Your Family's Death

Being locked up forever in the mine shaft outside of town

Being used for a sacrifice to a number of our secret organizations, gods, and mystical creatures in Night Vale

All of the above

A mixture of the above

"Re-education? That sounds ominous." Harry adjusted his glasses.

"Yeah...Do you think it's why that radio host told us to drink to forget?"

"Probably. I mean, re-education is re-learning, and if you don't have anything to re-learn, you don't have to worry about," Ron spoke up.

"Really I don't think you know some of the methods used to re-educate people."

"I mean that if you don't know anything, they won't schedule you for re-education," Ron frowned.

"And we're digging into this town," Draco cleared his throat looking at the two of them.

"So we have to lie low. If we get a re-education summons, we won't go willingly," Harry narrowed his eyes.

"Did you not read the list of things that could happen? In this town I'm guessing they have someone who could just kill us with their minds on city council."

"So we leave town if we get a summons, Draco. This place is magically shielded, they can't kill us if we aren't on the inside."

"Right okay." Harry nodded.

"So that's the plan if we get called, but first we should make sure that we lay low."

"Right," Draco nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, sure," Ron said, craning his neck around the restaurant. "This town has the worst service!"

"What do you expect? I bet they can't have a day without a server being eaten."

"I wonder how they haven't run out of residents yet," added Harry.

"It's a bloody miracle is what it is."

"They must breed like rabbits," Ron commented.

"Yeah or have ways of bringing people back to life."

"You think they're practicing necromancy?" Harry inquired, giving him a curious look.

"It's possible I mean. They already have a ton of dark magic around."

"Necromancy never works the way you want it to. That might explain why everything and everyone here is so weird," the green-eyed wizard pondered. Draco nodded in agreement.

"Maybe it's the city council."

"The people here even that weird radio host has a lot of loyalty to the council." Harry nodded.

"And all of the city officials seem to have odd powers that muggles shouldn't have." Draco noded at that.

"The thing is, how do we investigate without being hauled in for re-education?" Ron asked sourly. "It's not like we can just burst into city hall and start questioning them." Draco shook his head slightly.

"I think we should send an owl to Kingsley."

"In case you didn't notice, we don't have an owl and there's no post owl office in Night Vale," Ron griped. Draco scowled a little. Harry sighed.

"We can use the muggle post office of the next town over. I don't trust this town not to read any letters we send out." Draco nodded in agreement. "We'll do that tomorrow, and eat while we're there."

"Definitely."

Ron gave a relieved sigh. "We can eat real wheat!" Draco leaned into Harry softly. Harry scooted closer and wrapped an arm around him. Ron huffed.

"You really don't have to be jealous," Draco smirked a little.

"I'm not jealous!" Ron protested. "It's horrible, really, a ferret like you with my best mate."

"I'm not a ferret."

"You sure look like one to me."

"Shut up."

"All pointy and pale and long. Bet he has a tail hidden under his clothes," Ron mumbled under his breath, picking at the menu. Draco huffed and he looked to Harry. Harry sighed and shook his head.

"I don't know how I'm going to live with you two for this mission."

"Just get used to it."

"So long as you don't kill each other, I might." Harry ran a hand through his hair, "But somehow I don't think it will get any less annoying." Draco sighed a little and he closed his eyes.

Ron looked around the diner and sighed. "Maybe we should just leave." Draco nodded and he moved to slide out of the booth. Harry followed him and sighed.

"It would help if either of you could cook, you know." Draco looked over to him and raised an eyebrow. "I really don't want to have to cook every meal we eat, especially with two men and Ron to provide for."

"Oi!" Draco chuckled a little. "At least I could help out. Bet Malfoy over there is too afraid of breaking a nail." Draco rolled his eyes and shook his head.


End file.
